I have often wondered about the situations and people and seasons that seem to threaten or hamper leadership from being exercised. Good leaders and organizations can "go with the flow" and welcome obstacles as part of a transformation process (as part of the learning). However, what happens when a leader's spirit is challenged or brought low by grief?
Now, there are several things that we can say about grief--things we've all heard before and even practiced. It's a natural part of life. It needs to be embraced and attended to. It teaches valuable life lessons that can be translated to leadership.
But, what happens when grief brings a leader or the group that she is leading "down?" Inspiration is hard to find. Energy is low. Sadness is palpable and even tasted. Conversely, many aspects of the organization or group seem tasteless. In other words, what can we say about grief and leadership when a group or a leader is in the throes of grief? In the midst of the really sad time?
Let's get at this question through a couple of stories.
The first comes from Garrison Keillor's weekly radio broadcast entitled "Prairie Home Companion." On that show, he offers a 15-20 minute monologue or story on the happenings of Lake Wobegone, a mythical (but o so real!) small town in Minnesota. In the last few weeks, he has commented on how the pastor of 30 years at the Lutheran church of that small town, Pastor Inqvist, has been moved to another ministry in the Twin Cities. Needless to say, the residents of this town are trying to get used to their new interim Lutheran pastor, a woman who seems to talk on her cell phone all the time. As we (particularly church people) might imagine, gossip around town has been heightened. The town is grieving the loss of this long-serving pastor. And, it works out its grief through gossip and unflattering comments about the new pastor. Yet, Keillor's telling of the story (as he so often does) offers a sense of mild amusement and slight humor to the situation. As if to say, "Yes, this is bad. It hurts. It is part of life. Let's simply accept it for what it is. Move through it. Accept it. And, accept one another through it."
The second story comes from the church I'm serving. We have a new daycare (separately incorporated business) in the building. I am reading a story to the children (3- and 4-year-olds) about twice a week now. Last week, as I finished the story and was telling the children goodbye, I made some reference to God. One girl approached me immediately and asked, "Who is God?"
Wow! Now that's a topic for an entirely separate blog ... or book! Since that comment I've noticed that she always seems sad. And, that at times she is really needy--trying to engage me after or before I read the story. I asked the daycare leaders about her. They tell me that her parents are not real affectionate with her at the daycare. They do not attend to her very well. They are not churched.
What a sad thing. I am not a child psychologist, but I sense that perhaps the girl is grieving her relationship with her parents. What helps in this situation? To recognize her situation and her sadness for what it is. To take seriously her questions. To respect her neediness and respond appropriately. To attend to her but not let her sadness or neediness swallow up other interactions.
To me, these suggestions are good for the leader in a time of grief. To recognize grief for what it is. To take seriously the questions that arise. To respect the need to take the time to grieve. To let others know so that they can respect the grief and respond appropriately. To attend to the grief, not letting it swallow or consume all relations within the group. In other words and as an example, the group can still laugh at a good joke or story. The leader can be honest about his grief without letting it openly consume the person or the group. As Henri Nouwen put it in The Wounded Healer so long ago: "open wounds stink and don't heal." Wounds need to be acknowledged by a leader but not dwelt upon.
These are not simple answers or quick fixes. But, I hope and pray that they can lead to some thoughtful reflection and fruitful action.
Now, in full disclosure: this topic is close on my mind, in my heart, and felt in my body lately because I just lost my mom last July and this Sunday is Mother's Day. Again, in full disclosure: I pray that this reflection can help someone ....
Thanks for posting responses!
Peace, Doug
Friday, May 7, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Leadership in the "Now"
How are an impatience with the present, herding cows with a Honda Accord and Paul Tillich's Eternal Now connected with leadership? Well, let me explain ....
Lately, I've been caught in a (what I believe to be) common experience of either remembering distant days (wistful pining for the past) or wanting the future to get here ... fast! What has partially precipitated this impatience with the present has been an unsettling series of seemingly unfortunate occurrences with our family fleet of cars. We have had all three of our family automobiles in the shop for 8 different major repairs in the last 1.5 months. Ugh! And, to add tax preparation as well as the busyness of Holy Week and Easter (however blessed this is for a pastor), the present has been somewhat of a burden.
Yet, I've been reminded recently, through my daily prayer and Bible time as well as the wisdom of Eckart Tolle, of the importance of experiencing the full joy and blessing of the "Now." We do not have the past. We do not have the future. The gift that we can most effectively accept and use is the "Now." So, bemoaning the status of our automobiles or wistfully remembering a time when the burdens of the moment were not so great may be okay behaviors in which to temporarily indulge. But, these activities do not help me know the full blessing of the "now."
Paul Tillich in his collection of sermons entitled The Eternal Now writes of the importance of living "in Christ" (a phrase from Paul's letters). When we live "in Christ" we experience every moment in God's presence with the Spirit breathing through us. We taste eternity in every "Now" as a Jesus follower. The issue is whether we attend to this sense of living in God "now" or not ....
So, I want to live in God's "Now" more. Not in the "now" of automobile problems or burdened schedules. I want to live in the fullness of faith and hope and love.
A leader best leads when she lives in this "Now," tasting of the eternity of God and letting the Ultimate Leader (the Spirit) guide her as she listens to God in the "now." History teaches us much wisdom. Future dreaming gives us much energy and hope. But, it is the "Eternal Now" that is THE time for leadership to occur. In this "Now" do we have access to God fully. In this "Now" do we have the ability to follow in Jesus' footsteps. In this "Now" do we have the opportunity to let God's Spirit breathe through us.
Let me illustrate living in this "now" by telling my cow story. It was a late night this last winter. My wife and I were driving to our home in the country. We came upon a familiar intersection about a mile from our home. Our headlights hit upon what seemed to be a dozen pairs of reflecting eyes about 200 feet in front of us and about the height of our car. "What in the world is THAT?!!" we both said. We drove further. And, discovered that it was a small herd of cows that were coming up a gravel road toward the main highway. If they would reach the highway, it might have been a disaster for them and for any vehicle encountering them.
So, not considering the lateness of the hour, not worrying about our future, not hoping for a better time and more convenient conditions (snow was many-feet high all around us), we simply inched our Honda Accord toward the cows, honked its Honda horn, turned the cows around, and moved them forward, down the road. It took about 20 minutes to guide them safely toward the dirt easement that led them to their pasture. We then drove further down the road to the farmer who had responsibility for the cows and told the family about the incident.
The leader takes whatever circumstances and conditions in the "Now" and acts. Leading and herding and guiding others toward safety and "green pastures" (Psalm 23:2) or places in which they can grow and flourish.
May you live in the "Eternal Now" of God's daily gift to you.
What have been "Eternal Now" moments for you?
Thank you for reading and for posting comments ....
Peace, Doug
Lately, I've been caught in a (what I believe to be) common experience of either remembering distant days (wistful pining for the past) or wanting the future to get here ... fast! What has partially precipitated this impatience with the present has been an unsettling series of seemingly unfortunate occurrences with our family fleet of cars. We have had all three of our family automobiles in the shop for 8 different major repairs in the last 1.5 months. Ugh! And, to add tax preparation as well as the busyness of Holy Week and Easter (however blessed this is for a pastor), the present has been somewhat of a burden.
Yet, I've been reminded recently, through my daily prayer and Bible time as well as the wisdom of Eckart Tolle, of the importance of experiencing the full joy and blessing of the "Now." We do not have the past. We do not have the future. The gift that we can most effectively accept and use is the "Now." So, bemoaning the status of our automobiles or wistfully remembering a time when the burdens of the moment were not so great may be okay behaviors in which to temporarily indulge. But, these activities do not help me know the full blessing of the "now."
Paul Tillich in his collection of sermons entitled The Eternal Now writes of the importance of living "in Christ" (a phrase from Paul's letters). When we live "in Christ" we experience every moment in God's presence with the Spirit breathing through us. We taste eternity in every "Now" as a Jesus follower. The issue is whether we attend to this sense of living in God "now" or not ....
So, I want to live in God's "Now" more. Not in the "now" of automobile problems or burdened schedules. I want to live in the fullness of faith and hope and love.
A leader best leads when she lives in this "Now," tasting of the eternity of God and letting the Ultimate Leader (the Spirit) guide her as she listens to God in the "now." History teaches us much wisdom. Future dreaming gives us much energy and hope. But, it is the "Eternal Now" that is THE time for leadership to occur. In this "Now" do we have access to God fully. In this "Now" do we have the ability to follow in Jesus' footsteps. In this "Now" do we have the opportunity to let God's Spirit breathe through us.
Let me illustrate living in this "now" by telling my cow story. It was a late night this last winter. My wife and I were driving to our home in the country. We came upon a familiar intersection about a mile from our home. Our headlights hit upon what seemed to be a dozen pairs of reflecting eyes about 200 feet in front of us and about the height of our car. "What in the world is THAT?!!" we both said. We drove further. And, discovered that it was a small herd of cows that were coming up a gravel road toward the main highway. If they would reach the highway, it might have been a disaster for them and for any vehicle encountering them.
So, not considering the lateness of the hour, not worrying about our future, not hoping for a better time and more convenient conditions (snow was many-feet high all around us), we simply inched our Honda Accord toward the cows, honked its Honda horn, turned the cows around, and moved them forward, down the road. It took about 20 minutes to guide them safely toward the dirt easement that led them to their pasture. We then drove further down the road to the farmer who had responsibility for the cows and told the family about the incident.
The leader takes whatever circumstances and conditions in the "Now" and acts. Leading and herding and guiding others toward safety and "green pastures" (Psalm 23:2) or places in which they can grow and flourish.
May you live in the "Eternal Now" of God's daily gift to you.
What have been "Eternal Now" moments for you?
Thank you for reading and for posting comments ....
Peace, Doug
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Leadership in Faith Communities
Friends,
This is my first attempt into the "blogosphere." I have thought about, read about, prayed about, practiced, and even written about local church transformation for years. At Faith Christian Church in Omaha, Nebraska, we have been engaged in a church transformation for nearly a decade now. Many things have been done well, such as a governance restructure. Many things have not gone as well: the controversy over hiring a new staff person.
What has become crystal clear to me is that the transformation of an organization such as a church will not take place without
1. primarily, the good work of God's Spirit;
2. secondarily, the good work of leaders who follow that Spirit and who offer good leadership attitudes that are consistent with Biblical principles (think, for example, gifts of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23) and with Ronald Heifetz' characterization of the good leader as one who can show the way toward adaptive change (see Leadership Without Easy Answers and Leadership On the Line).
What we seek, now, is wisdom from church tradition, present excellent practices, and the current best secular thinking (such as Harvard Business Review) on what makes a good transforming leader--a leader who can show the way toward personal and organizational transformation. This focus will be the central theme of this blog.
So, I begin by positing what for me is the first requirement of transforming leaders: they are grounded in the spiritual practices of their faith community so that they can stay centered on the most vital aspects of transformation. For me, I am constantly practicing a variety of spiritual disciplines: daily prayer, daily Bible reading, Lectio Divina, weekly sabbath, weekly worship, sacrificial giving, remembering God as source for all through a constant "Thanksgiving" daily, praying to all three members of the trinity, memorizing Scripture, taking an extra day off per month for a prayer sabbath, taking an extra 3 days off per year for a prayer sabbath, etc.
I try to add a new discipline occasionally as appropriate. And, I let go (thanks to the wisdom of Dallas Willard) of a discipline as I sense the Spirit guides me. One thing is clear to me: I practice these spiritual disciplines NOT because I am good, but because I am NOT. I need to stay centered in God and not get lost in myself!
What are your disciplines? What helps you stay centered?
Thank you for reading ... and for posting.
Peace, Doug
This is my first attempt into the "blogosphere." I have thought about, read about, prayed about, practiced, and even written about local church transformation for years. At Faith Christian Church in Omaha, Nebraska, we have been engaged in a church transformation for nearly a decade now. Many things have been done well, such as a governance restructure. Many things have not gone as well: the controversy over hiring a new staff person.
What has become crystal clear to me is that the transformation of an organization such as a church will not take place without
1. primarily, the good work of God's Spirit;
2. secondarily, the good work of leaders who follow that Spirit and who offer good leadership attitudes that are consistent with Biblical principles (think, for example, gifts of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23) and with Ronald Heifetz' characterization of the good leader as one who can show the way toward adaptive change (see Leadership Without Easy Answers and Leadership On the Line).
What we seek, now, is wisdom from church tradition, present excellent practices, and the current best secular thinking (such as Harvard Business Review) on what makes a good transforming leader--a leader who can show the way toward personal and organizational transformation. This focus will be the central theme of this blog.
So, I begin by positing what for me is the first requirement of transforming leaders: they are grounded in the spiritual practices of their faith community so that they can stay centered on the most vital aspects of transformation. For me, I am constantly practicing a variety of spiritual disciplines: daily prayer, daily Bible reading, Lectio Divina, weekly sabbath, weekly worship, sacrificial giving, remembering God as source for all through a constant "Thanksgiving" daily, praying to all three members of the trinity, memorizing Scripture, taking an extra day off per month for a prayer sabbath, taking an extra 3 days off per year for a prayer sabbath, etc.
I try to add a new discipline occasionally as appropriate. And, I let go (thanks to the wisdom of Dallas Willard) of a discipline as I sense the Spirit guides me. One thing is clear to me: I practice these spiritual disciplines NOT because I am good, but because I am NOT. I need to stay centered in God and not get lost in myself!
What are your disciplines? What helps you stay centered?
Thank you for reading ... and for posting.
Peace, Doug
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